what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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