Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
