Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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