if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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