Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
