Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
