I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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