He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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