Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
