And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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