Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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