in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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