What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
