Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Randomize
