you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
