Tell her she can't have a vagina
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
