HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
