this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
