He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
