There was a lot of him and a little penis
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I think pants incapable of making pants work
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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