He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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