I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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