I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
