Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Your penis caused this!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
