I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
