Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I look better un-naked...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
