shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
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