Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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