we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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