Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Randomize
