I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
