I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i drank out of a bidet.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
