saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
