CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
