I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
