honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
