I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
