I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
