evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
