Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
