all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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