Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
