My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
