i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
