People in love make me want to vomit
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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