Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
