he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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