Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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