I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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