What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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